Mar 16 2008
Bullying and a Helpful Stranger
Part of being a parent to a teenage child means eventually “loosening” the apron strings and granting a little bit of independence.
I’m not a huge fan of my kids catching public transport, so wherever possible they are provided with a parental taxi service. But sometimes it’s unavoidable.
On Thursday my son attended a four hour interview and needed to catch the train home afterwards. I would have thought that a 20 minute train ride at 3.30 in the afternoon on a school day would be relatively safe for a teenage boy to catch a train…
He was dressed smartly in his school uniform (including blazer and tie) and was out of his school’s area. Waiting for the train at Kogarah station (south of Sydney) he found himself surrounded by about 10 school boys, around 2-3 years younger than himself. He was bigger than most of them – but as I mentioned there were 10 of them and one of him.
The boys were circling him and issuing taunting insults, becoming increasingly menacing. My son isn’t an aggressive kid and would see fighting as a last resort. In fact, I don’t recall him ever being in a fight.
As he was trying to work out just how to defuse the situation, he felt a presence beside him. A young man (around 20), 6 foot 3, with red hair and built like the proverbial came and stood next to him. He had obviously seen what was going on and came to lend my son a hand.
My son, never having seen this man in his life, said “G’day John – how are you?”
As you suspected the younger boys soon scattered, intimidated by the presence of this young man.
So to the total stranger who came to my son’s assistance (I’m sure you’ll never read this) – a big “thank you”.
And to the piss-weak little bullies – I’m sure you’ll get what you deserve one day. Karma is like that.
18 Responses to “Bullying and a Helpful Stranger”
Oh wow – I’m so glad that person stepped in. These days people are more concerned about their own safety than anyone else (well most anyway). Very clever and quick thinking on your son’s behalf though.
Lightening’s last blog post..Unconscious Mutterings
Wow. You just don’t see that now days. What a wonderful man. Thank God for him!
Kelley’s last blog post..Paying it forward and blinging up da house.
It was really great that young man stepped in and helped your son, and great thinking on your son’s behalf. Very quick and clever!
Too many people are unwilling to get involved in other people’s problems these days.
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Hi! Great story. The hero was just like superman, wasn’t he! It’s a shame he wasn’t around when my son was flogged senseless and left lying bleeding on the ground. Thank heavens these three unknown girls came upon him and helped him up.
Peter McCartney’s last blog post..My Thoughts on Women
It’s scary to think that there are gangs of kids out there who harrass even older kids just for kicks. Thank Goodness for the other guy and smart thinking by your son.
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I’m glad your son’s OK, Meg. However, something struck me about your post: that it’s unusual for a teenager to catch public transport by himself, rather than be ferried around. This highlights the culture of fear that has enveloped society.
The evidence shows that our society is less violent and far safer than than ever before — this incident notwithstanding. And yet parents seem so fearful of their children — even teenage children — being “on their own”. A lot’s been written about how a global shock-horror media emphasises every relatively-rare event and turns it into “streets of fear”, so I won’t say more on that…
However I do see this contrasting so heavily with my own childhood. I’m in my 40s now. When I was a kid it was perfectly routine to travel to school 40km a day each way by train, and then catch a bus, from age 12. And I wasn’t the only one: far from it.
Perhaps I had more independence than most, since “taking responsibility” was instilled from an early age, but I can’t help thinking… Are today’s children, i.e. tomorrow’s adults, going to be less capable of making their own decisions and taking responsibility, simply because they’ve been cocooned more than their predecessors?
I really hope this incident doesn’t increase your fear, Meg.
Stilgherrian’s last blog post..Twitter digests are incomplete
So glad your son is OK Meg. Very quick thinking by him. And may good Karma reach the man that helped your son.
@Stilgherrian – I am close to 40 and I used to get a bus and train followed by a 15 minute walk to get to school, and the reverse in the afternoon, from the age of 10. I wasn’t the only one either. I wonder about my own kids as I don’t let them do half the things that I used to at the same age.
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Meg, I’m glad everything worked out ok. He is a quick thinker isn’t he.
jen’s last blog post..Womadelaide disguised as a blog party
Lightening, Kelley, Bettina, Guera, Jen – yes, he was very lucky and I’m so grateful for this stranger. I suppose when you think about it, this was a very big guy, who was probably aware that his mere size would be enough to intimidate the other kids. Irrespective, he could just as easily have looked the other way.
Peter – I’m really sorry that happened to your son. I hope he’s ok.
Stilgherrian – It surprises me to hear that it’s actually safer these days. Twenty or thirty years ago if a boy or man got into a fight usually they were just dealing with fists. These days you just never know what weapons people have – knives, guns…
I think a lone boy is much more of a target than a group – I would certainly be more comfortable with my son travelling in a group situation.
I don’t know that kids would be worse off for being cocooned? Certainly my son has many opportunities to practice decision making and taking responsibility. Perhaps in some respects they don’t mature as quickly because they don’t need to be so independent, but that will come in due course – and I’m sure those skills will be quickly refined out of necessity.
I think kids are more aware of the world around them in a lot of respects because they have the internet and the ability to communication easily with many more than just their immediate group of friends.
At the end of the day, I’d much rather he was safely brought through adolescence, rather than bear the physical and/or emotional scars of an unprovoked and unjustified attack.
Gemisht – I had to travel to school too. Although I was boarding at the age of 10, I used to catch the train home on weekends from Sydney (city) to my home.
I can still recall the first time when I got to the station and realised I’d forgotten my money. I mustn’t have had a train pass or didn’t realise I could use it – not sure. A friendly stranger saw my distress and lent me $5. I took her address and mum sent the money back. I was 10!
I boarded intermittently throughout high school, but when I wasn’t, I remember catching the 7.08 train for a 50 minute train trip, then a bus trip, then a walk. In the afternoon I would get home at 5 pm. While I made use of the train time, it’s certainly a commute that I’m glad my kids don’t have to make.
Wow it’s an interesting perception shift. Those above a certain age remember the long-distance trips alone from an age which now we wouldn’t accept. Are we “emotionally scarred” by that?
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Stilgherrian
I don’t believe commuting per se would be sufficient to cause “emotional scarring”. The scars come from the events that happen during. Being on the receiving end of a savage beating, or continual bullying, could potentially cause “scars”.
As for me, I still remember on two occasions being absolutely frozen with fear when a man in a trench coat (yes the same man) sat beside me and proceeded to “gratify” himself while brushing against me (I was in the window seat) and leaving the evidence behind.
The third time he tried though, I got angry. I stood up, said something about him being disgusting and never to sit near me again (at the top of my voice), squeezed past him and changed carriages.
Emotionally scarring? Probably not. Character building? Perhaps. Nevertheless, this is NOT a situation I would like to see my teenage daughter in.
Meg sounds like we were doing similar things – I used to get the 7.15 bus every morning unless I had an early start and then it was the 6.45 bus. We had about a half hour bus trip then about 25 mins on the train and a 15 min walk. I used to get home about 4.50 in the afternoon unless I had hockey training which meant it was 6 or 6.30 home.
I agree that if I can save my kids spending hours commuting, more in the later high school years, then that has to be a good thing. I am not scarred by using public transport but agree that the potential to be scarred by something that happened during those commutes is far worse. I guess I was lucky – the worst thing that happened was getting held on the train by the boys from a nearby school, meaning we couldn’t get off at our station so we were late for school – try explaining that to your parents LOL
Gemisht’s last blog post..Smiley Saturday
Good for your son in recognizing that this stranger was there to help him, and bravo to the young man for doing it so smoothly.
I once fell at a youth hostel and sprained my ankle so severely that I had to be driven to hospital in an ambulance. A complete stranger, also staying at the hostel, rode with me and stayed with me until I was discharged. All I knew was that his name was John.
feefifoto’s last blog post..Tackle It Tuesday: Entrecard
I’m so glad your son is ok! It’s reassuring to know there are people who open their eyes and see what’s going on around them.
I’m in my late 20’s, and I tell you I still get nervous travelling in Sydney on my own. Probably cause I’ve turned into a country bumpkin now, where I’m so used to not being able to go anywhere without seeing someone I know.
I’m flying into Sydney in April, and my plane lands at 8:30pm. You can bet I’ll be catching a cab, rather than the train to get to my accomodation. Yet I’m fine catching public transport any time of the day or night in Brisbane. Perhaps it’s fear of the unknown?
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Train stations seem to be a breeding ground for stuff like this, don’t they? I’m originally from South Africa, and where I was from we wouldn’t even *think* of taking the train… simply too dangerous.
So when I arrived in Oz, I revelled in the chance to hop on a train. I was doing it everywhere, anytime.
Until a similar situation occurred to me, a few weeks in. Suppose idiots are worldwide, aren’t they?
Glad to hear it ended as it did Meg.
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That’s fantastic!
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Four years since my last time in Sydney. I never felt uncomfortable taking public transport, in fact I loved it, always have. Back then Western Sydney was the part you knew you should steer clear and now South Sydney too? I’ll be back for a visit later this year. I hope it will not turn out like your son’s experience.
I’m glad your son is fine.
Actually, he is 6’4!